I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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