I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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