Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
