I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
