i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
