I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
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iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
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I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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