Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
