im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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