Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
