I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
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I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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