My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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