i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
