Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
