I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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