Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
