She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
