I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
