Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
