My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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