i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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