we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
