I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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