five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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