its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
