i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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