I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
