dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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