Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have fence marks all over my body
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
