how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
