Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
where does the pee come out of this thing
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
