From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize