God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize