I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
