My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
