I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
