It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
