some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
