flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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