Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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