Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
