Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
