hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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