Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
