Can i not drive my cunt home
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
