dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
