took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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