if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
