That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
