My liver just broke up with me...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Found your dick twin last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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