i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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