This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have already put on my inside pants.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
