I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
