Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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