actually, I'm a sock model
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
BRING THE BAGELS
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
