Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
