I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
