I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
