even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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