Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
