Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm really busy with my period
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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