her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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