Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
