All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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